Joke time

As you are aware, I am the funniest person I know.  If you see me on any random occasion, I am either laughing at a dumb joke I heard or I can think of one to tell you.  Today is no exception.  Ready?

What did the Mother Buffalo say to her son when he left?

The answer will be at the bottom of the page.  Scroll to view it. 

I went to Memphis this past weekend.  Long Drive, good food, good company.  Thats about it.  

To be completely honest, I have been struggling to find anything going on in my world that is blog worthy.   I don't like wasting your time with useless nonsense.  I know you're busy so I try and make it worth your time.  That being said, I'll cut it off here.  

Answer to my awesome joke:

(Byeeeee son)

You can't stop it, you can only hope to contain it

Today, I have decided that class is not the most important thing that I have to do today.  Granted, I did go to class today, in fact, I am currently in one of my finance classes.  Which one at this moment escapes me, but it is required for me to graduate and thats all that I really care about.  I think it is investments, but don't quote me.  

I have spent the last few days watching a lot of cable news.  I really enjoy cable news because after about 15 minutes of reporting the news, they are forced to either ad lib some witty comment, or just repeat themselves over, and over, and over again until something else in the world happens that needs to be mentioned or their shift is over.  

That amazes me about cable news, take Foxnews for instance, my favorite, all they do is hire a bunch of pretty, preppy people (Megyn Kelly), find some news and make them read it on repeat.  And when that pretty person's shift is over, they find another pretty preppy person (Shepherd Smith) to read the same news with their person interjections and points of view.  This goes on from the morning to midnight.  And people LOVE it.  I am one of those people and I have come up with a theory about this.  It is called the SportsCenter Theory of Television Viewership.  

What I mean by that is ESPN records three different versions of their show SportsCenter throughout the day.  The last one at night is put on repeat all through the night and into the morning and not stopping until about noon.  Keep in mind it is the EXACT same show, every time.  But people (like myself and a lot of others) end up watching it all morning.  Sometimes back to back, just on the off chance that we missed a play or a Stuart Scott 'Boo-ya'.  I do it.  Everyday usually.  I can't begin to explain the phenomenon or why it happens, but it does and you can't stop it, you can only hope to contain it.  

I spent my day yesterday dog sitting for a friend of mine.  Her dog is an almost three year old Golden Retriever named Kai.  Kai could be the best / nicest/ most obedient dog that I have ever encountered.  She has a love obsession with her tennis ball.  So her mama had to go to class all day yesterday and I had no other plans for the day so I volunteered myself to take Kai and spend the day with her so she didn't have to be by herself.  I went and picked her up and took her to the quad and we threw the ball for about two hours.  Every time, I threw the ball really far away and without missing a beat, she would go get it and bring it back to me, drop it at my feet and go get ready for another throw.  After a few hours of this, she finally came back to me and instead of dropping her ball, she just laid at my feet.  She was done playing.  We began walking back to the house, she slammed down some water in my room and then made herself at home.  I left her in my room as I went downstairs to get myself a glass of water.  When I came back in my room, she was in my bed and taking a nap on my pillow.  I found this funny and laughed at her, until she refused to move when I wanted to lay down too.  She didn't budge.  The best I could manage was moving her over and we shared the bed.  After a while, her mom was done with class and she came over and got Kai.  This experience just made it official that I was getting a dog when I graduate.  A golden.  And me and my dog are going to throw the ball and we are going to take on the world.  

I should probably get to taking notes in this class.  Seeing as though I have no idea what is going on.

I am adding a picture of Kai for your enjoyment.

221 days to Alabama Football

-PB

Tomorrow is inauguration day in DC.  I can only imagine the insanity that is going in right now.  I kind of wish I was there, but at the same time the insanity would probably get the best of me.  

If you ever want to laugh really hard and don't mind a few choice words, you need to watch Katt Williams' show called 'Pimp Chronicles pt. 1.'  It is really funny if that is your kind of humor.  I am watching it right now as Blog and it is making me laugh. 

I am debating about getting rid of my glasses and acquiring contacts.  I have been tossing the idea around in my head.  Thoughts?

My weekend was a complete waste.  I really enjoyed my three day weekend but it consisted of me going to bed way too late and sleeping until way late in the afternoon.  It is the life though, pity it is rapidly coming to an end.  

I need to get on a routine.  Something that could get me on a routine might be the key.  I help dogsit this weekend for an 8 week old hound puppy named Jimmy.  I think a dog would get my life on a constant routine.  No matter how late I stay out the night before, that dog will still get up at 6 am.  

228 days until alabama football.

Bittersweet

So it has been a while since I have posted.  A lot has gone on since my last post.  

I believe I left you on Christmas day as I was watching 'Deal or no deal' and I predicted that he would not do well due to his low performance and low offer from the banker.  I was wrong.  He mounted a very good comeback and ended up leaving with over $250,000.  Shows how much I know about game shows.  

Moving right along, The day after Christmas, I packed up and boarded a plane to Houston, my hometown.  I lived there about 12 years ago, but if you run into me at a bar or elsewhere and you ask me where I am from, I still say that I am from Houston.  No matter where I live, I was still born and raised in the wonderful state of Texas and I will always be proud of that.  

I landed around 7pm and I got met my the closest thing I have to a brother and his dad.  I threw my 51 lb. bag in the back seat of the car and we headed to an awesome mexican restaurant.  The first thing I ordered was an ice cold Corona.  And man o man did that settle nicely.  Another mention of alcohol, as I was flying over to Houston, Southwest airlines does not take money in the cabin for drinks anymore, all they accept is plastic.  So essentially, you can start a tab in the air while you fly, and that is exactly what I did.  It was pretty awesome.  After dinner, I went back to the house and I passed out from lack of sleep.

That next day, I met a friend for lunch and went over to my Grandparents' house and got to see them and some of my family for a bit.  It has been a long time since I had seen them so I enjoyed catching up with them.  After that, I had to go back to the house and get ready for a wedding.  Not just any wedding, but the wedding I have been dreading for my entire life.  The girl getting married was a friend of mine from Houston that went to school with me for a long time, we played baseball together and lived a few blocks away from each other.  I have been in love with her since before I knew what love was.  Anyway, I had to go see her get married.  It was extremely tragic.  I almost cried but I held it together.  The Reverend was smart and did not ask anyone the typical 'If anyone here objects...' because I probably would have screamed 'DON'T DO IT!!!'  Good thing he didn't ask.  After the wedding, which was very beautiful, we went to the reception and got to catch up with all of the people that I grew up with and their families.  Some were old little league coaches, classmates and neighbors.  Some of these people I saw I haven't seen in ten plus years.  I walked around and just mingled and caught up.  After about two hours of that, I had to leave and go to another party that was a Deb ball for my friend's school.  I, of course didn't did not know a soul, which I love.  I get to meet people, make new friends and become the life of the party, which I absolutely did.  I actually got a mom tell me that I need to marry her daughter.  To the point where she made us dance together for a long time, and afterwords the mother cornered me and talked to me and spent about 30 minutes convincing me that her daughter is the one for me.  I found it very funny.  

After all of this, we went home and went to bed because we had to get up early the next morning and drive to south Texas to go deer hunting in a little town called George West.  I suggest you google its location because I am willing to bet you have no earthly idea where it is.  I spent about 4 days down there with my other family and their families.  All in all, there were about 20 of us there.  It was so much fun.  We went hunting for deer and dove, rode four wheelers and just goofed off unplugged from the world.  If you know me at all, you know how much I love being plugged into the world, but every once and a while I enjoy it.  

I shot a very nice 8 point deer.  It is pretty.  See facebook for pictures.  

Then after all of that, I headed to NOLA to watch my Crimson Tide beat up on the Utah Utes.  I was so looking forward to showing up those people saying that the SEC is over rated.  Alas, that of course did not happen.  ALABAMA GOT WORKED.  It wasn't even fair.  We came out flat, and generally didn't even care.  it was embarrassing.  I never thought that I would see the day when a Utah fan would come up to me and talk smack and be able to back it up.  

I now am back in Tuscaloosa, after a long tour over the break.  I am looking forward to relaxing and gearing up for my last semester at the Capstone.  

Bittersweet.

All for now, time for relaxation.  

You are about to enter the no spin zone

Today is Christmas.  

I am watching 'Deal or No Deal' right now.  This guy is terrible.  It is the holiday special and they are offering different holiday deals.  This guy has only opened 6 cases.  He knocked out the million, 100,000, 75,000 already.  His first offer was $43,ooo.  If you are an avid 'Deal or No Deal' watcher, you know that that offer was very low.  I don't foresee him going very far in this game.  

Like I mentioned before, today is Christmas.  A time for presents, family and going to see movies because nothing else is open.  Not even gas stations that are 24 hours.  This means you are trapped in the house with your family and the inevitable 24 hours of a christmas story on TBS.  This monopolizes my television watching habits.  Don't get me wrong, A Christmas Story is a great movie.  Once a year.  Not back to back to back to back to back to back...you get the idea.  I mean, did so many people write letters to TBS headquarters saying 'PLEASE PLEASE OH PLEASE Mr. Turner, you know what would make my holidays complete? A constant stream of A Christmas Story.'  I mean come on people, if you like the movie enough to write a letter to request it for 24 strait hours, JUST BUY THE DAMN THING.  Sorry, just a little holiday frustration.  I am all for tradition, especially around the holidays, but 24 hours of the same movie is borderline insane.  If you watch this movie for that amount of time, not only do you need to get a life, but you probably should look into medication for an undiagnosed mental condition.  How did this even become a tradition?  TBS needs to hire better tradition makers.  If you are interested, contact Ted Turner in Atlanta.  

Dinner.  Arguably my favorite meal, only gets better around the holidays.  Tonight for instance, We had Prime Rib, cheese grits, and my favorite part....(drum roll......)   Sister Schubert Rolls.  I can without a doubt take down an entire pan by myself.  But I try and limit myself to half a pan.  

The sensor that tells my dashboard that my parking brake is on is broken.  This means the light stays lit up even when the parking break is not engaged.  This would not be a big deal, other than the fact that when i drive, the car dings at me.  So when I am driving, all I hear is DING DING DING DING.  I tried to turn up my radio to drown out the horrendous noise, but the ding just gets louder.  Its frustrating to say the least.  Anyone want a ride around town?  Or borrow my car?  If you survive, it will make you a stronger person.  

I hope every one had a very Merry Christmas.  

Oh, I almost forgot, a long time ago, Conan O'Brien used to do a thing on his show that went like this....

He had a lever behind his desk that when he pulled it, it showed a classic clip of the one of a kind show 'Walker, Texas Ranger'.  I stayed up late last night watching all of the random clips on youtube.  I am going to include this link if you care to join the hilarity.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4NqL5udFnI&feature=related

Big Gulps huh?

No such thing as fun for the whole family

There is a maximum, a ceiling of the amount of time a family can be together and not bicker.  

If you are a Plumb, that ceiling is approximately 48 hours.  And there is no such thing as bickering.  There is usually a blown out, drag out fight.  You know that cartoon where the cat and the dog are in a room and they turn into a big ball of dust and fists flying?  That is a typical family reunion.  The only question is what will be the ignition source?

Usually, as stupid and childish as it sounds, it is something like who called shotgun, or other various childish debates that lead to the cat dog dust circle of death scene.  And have no mistake, I enjoy a good fight, it keeps my head sharp and it gives me a chance to use some big words that I heard on a TV show once.  

I always win.  There is no question.

But I do not hold grudges.  (although some people might), but it is always better the next day and the reason for the fight is usually forgotten or at least never brought up again (until we go for scene 2 of the dust fist fury of death).

Moving right along....

I recently discovered the best invention this side of penicillin and sliced bread.  A little thing called Netflix.  What a great idea.  I mean, unlimited DVD's by mail for a flat fee.  Not only that, but you can go online to their website and watch movies and TV shows online anytime.  That has been the greatest thing ever.  I go on and watch all of those old TV shows that I forgot all about.  It has added entertainment to a rather bland break.  

If you are in to great guitar solos, or instrumentals, there is one that I found that might just scratch you where you itch.  It is called "Cliffs of Dover" by Eric Johnson.  It's a goodie.  

All for now.  Back later.  

P.S. Nick Saban is the College Football Coach of the Year.  

He was worth every single of the 400,000,000 pennies we pay him a year.

Roll Tide Roll.

Festivus miracle

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.  That way you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

That always makes me laugh when I think about it.  I would not do it to someone you don't know very well, because they will more than likely take offense to the fact that you stole their shoes. 

I was over at a friend's house today and her little sister (age 13) had a blackberry.  Is that the society we live in now?  That a 13 year old has so much email and is loaded down with that much responsibility that they have to check their email in between pre-algebra and lunch?  That seems a little amazing to me.  That probably means that I will buy my child a cell phone in kindergarden, otherwise they will be missing out on all of the important emails throughout the day from their friends during nap time.  God forbid.

For the longest time, I was completely against blogs.  My thought process was "whose life is so important that they need to document it for all of the world to read?".  But like other things, I am always about three years behind the curve on stuff like this.  And I always seem to end up doing the very things that I bash for a significant amount of time.  (i.e. LOST).   It always seems to be things that Yates starts first, and I make fun of.  But inevitably, I cave and what I thought was dumb ends up being the exact thing that I do.  

Yates: 2               Plumb: 0

There is nothing better than sitting by a warm fire on a cold night.  I am sitting by one right now and it is glorious.  

Boise State is over rated and I am tired of hearing about them.  I hope TCU embarrasses them.

That is all for now.  My inaugural post has now come to a close.